


How To Further An Agenda

by narwhalpuppy



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24805981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narwhalpuppy/pseuds/narwhalpuppy
Summary: Taking Todd To his first Hollywoo Gala.  Bojack crashes the party and gets a DUI.  Soon the horse actor becomes a target for an unscrupulous prosecutor.
Kudos: 1





	How To Further An Agenda

Bojack Horserman Presents 

A Narwhal Puppy Production

How To Furthur An Agenda

Driving down the streets of Hollywoo en route to a Gala. Todd was very excited. "Hooray! I get to go to my first Hollywoo Gala since moving in with you!" Todd said ecstatically. "Oh yes indeed you will. You're going to have the time of your life there!" said Bojack. "Time of Your Life? Wasn't that a Jennifer Love Hewitt spin off show?" asked Todd. Bojack tells Todd, "You don't even need an invite they just let you in pretty as you please! That's how it was back when I was famous. Probably still that way now." 

Todd says, "Are you sure they'll let you in. What with you being a has been and all?" asked Todd. Bojack said, "Trust me. Have I ever lied to you before? Besides, if I show up, maybe there will be some movie or tv producers there that will offer me a gig and I can get my career back!" "Thought you were doing this because you're by very good friend. Just for me." said Todd. "I'm doing this for the both of us Todd! So you can have a good time and maybe I can get my career back." said Bojack. 

Parking at the Best Western Plus Hollywoo Hills Hotel. Bojack and Todd both get out of the car. Seeing many celebrities walk inside to attend the gala. "Oh shit. I left my best suit at home." said Todd. "Didn't bring any of mine either. But we didn't have to bother with that. We can go in just as we are." said Bojack. "Hope so." said Todd feeling uneasy. Entering the Best Western Plus, the Gala was being held in a lobby. "Oooohhhh! Swanky!" says Todd as he looks all around. 

All the bigwig Hollywoo celebrities were there. As well as people who were singers, producers, and workers at the Entertainment Industry. Sextina Aquafina, A Ryan Seacrest Type, Venessa Gecko, Charlie Witherspoon, Lenny Turtletuab, Rutabaga Rabbitowz, Courtney Portnoy, Ana Spanaokoptia, Hank Hippopalous, and Kelsey Jennings. The Hollywoo Gala was being hosted by Princess Carolyn. Ralph Stilton walks up to her and says, "Great party you throwing here, Princess Carolyn!" "Thanks. Happy you all can make it." Princess Carolyn stated. 

Bojack and Todd walk around. "Are we going to mingle or what?" asks Todd. Princess Carolyn stops Bojack in his tracks. "BOJACK! What are you doing here?" she demands. "I was lending my service for Todd. He wanted to come here." Bojack explains himself. Princess Carolyn drags Bojack into a janitor's broom closet. "Uh...uh....what about me!" Todd asks innocently. "I don't believe any word that comes out of your mouth." Princess Carolyn spits out. "You addicts always have a way of lying."

"It's true. Want me to bring him in here so he can tell you himself?" Bojack suggested. "NO! Actions speak louder than words! You're hoping someone here is going to give you an acting job. Well, the way you went downhill you can forget that." Princess Carolyn said. "Nothing. That's all false. I wasn't even thinking about that. Let's just forget your suspicions have a good time." Bojack said. "Time to stop living in the past!" Princess Carolyn spouts off. "Am not stuck in the past! I'm thinking about my future!" Bojack said. 

"Want to know what I wish you would forget about? Sitcoms! Because they have forgotten about you!" Princess Carolyn tells him. "My Horsin' Around days or over. I'm reminded of that every day! This is like the beginning of that Longest Yard remake with Adam Sandler!" Bojack said. "Look, just leave and take Todd with you before you cause any more commotion." Princess Carolyn warns him. Both of them exit the closet and much to Bojack's shock, he sees Mr. Peanutbutter at the Gala. 

Princess Carolyn soars at Bojack, "You were in Secretariat! Wasn't that enough for you?". 

"Hey, Bojack! Is someone here going to give you an acting job?" Mr. Peanutbutter calls out to him. "Why are you here," asked Bojack. "I was invited. You have to have the Invite App to get in." Mr. Peanutbutter says putting his iPhone in Bojack's face. "Son of a bitch! Everything always requires a fucking app nowadays!" Bojack said ticked off. Princess Carolyn tries to intervene, "Bojack, stop this right now." Todd says, "She's right. It's not worth it. I don't want my first Hollywoo Gala to be a bad memory!" 

"Isn't this awesome. I still get invited to gigs even though Mr. Peanutbutter's House was cancelled a long time ago!" Mr. Peanutbutter said. "Mr. Peanutbutter. It's always a pleasure to see you anywhere! Bojack brought me to this!" said Todd. "Awesome to have you here too, Todd!" Mr. Peanutbutter greeted his friend. 

"Why does he get to come to these Galas and I don't!" Bojack wanted to know. 

Lenny Turtletaub says, "Because we respect Mr. Peanubutter!" Rutabaga Rabbitowz says, "Yes. When his show ended, he didn't get depressed, and then succumb to drugs, alcohol, and a possible criminal record like you did!" Lenny says, "Ryan O'Neal had more dignity than you!" 

Bojack was outraged, "Todd turn off that music!" Todd goes to the radio that was playing opera and turns it to a rock station. Cobra Starship's Good Girls Go Bad begins to play. "HOORAY! CRACK IT UP!" Todd says. 

Running to the food table where the alcohol was, Bojack pops open the cork and drinks like crazy. Mr. Peanutbutter laughs, "I think somebody has earned himself a Comedy Central Celebrity Roast!" Todd begins dancing around, all the people and animals at the Hollywoo Gala were staring at Bojack and Todd like they could not fathom nor comprehend what was occuring. 

Becoming drunk Bojack yells, "I can be here if I want! I'm an actor too you know!" 

Princess Carolyn takes the champagne bottle away, "I want you to leave now!" 

"Leave! We're just getting started, baby!" Bojack shouts in a drunken voice. "He can be here if he wants! He's an actor too!" Todd said taking Bojack's side. 

Todd and Bojack begin to dance until two security guards a crocodile and a flamingo throw them both out onto the pavement. 

"Not too bad for my first Gala. Good thing you spiced it up when you did." said Todd. 

"This isn't going to be a bad....*hick*...memory for you is it?" asks Bojack. 

"Nah. There's always other times. Who knows what the future beholds!" said Todd as he and Bojack both get up. Bojack struggles to get up, and Todd tries to help him get in the car. 

"You're not good enough to drive. How do you get drunk so fast?" Todd said. 

"I'm fine. Give me the keys!" Bojack grabs the keys and puts it into the ignition and drives off. 

Todd pleads, "I know how to drive. Let me." "See? Easy peasy lemon squeezy! *hick* That asshole Mr. Peanubutter!" Bojack said. "What does he have that I don't!" 

Bojack was driving off kilter and ran into a fire hydrant. Meow Meow Fuzzyface spots Bojack's car and proceeds to chase him. "Oh shit! It's the cops! Bojack! You need to stop driving. The cops are after you!" Todd warns Bojack. "Bahh! Leave me alone! I'm fine!" Bojack said slapping away Todd. 

"I know! If the cops catch us, let's be David Space and Chris Farley in Black Sheep! I'll say Rowads!" Todd says. "SHUT UP, TODD! In that movie he said Rolaids! Not Rowads!" Bojack gruffs. Continuing to drive, Bojack begins to speed up out of control untl he crashed into a lampost. Bojack's car was damaged. Trying to start up the engine again, "Come on! Come on! Shit! Fuck! Start up come on!" Bojack shouts. It was already too late. Meow Meow Fuzzyface was at his car window. "I need to see your license and registration please!" 

Momentarily, Princess Carolyn turns on the TV and sees Tom Grumbo-Jumbo on the news, "Todays Top Story. Washed up sitcom actor, Bojack Horseman was arrested today for a DUI and for bumping into a lampost. We're on the scene right now." 

On the news, Bojack was on the ground and shouts to the sky, "PRINCESS CAROLYN! MR. PEANUTBUTTER! I THINK I NEED TO FIND A NEW LINE OF WORK!" Todd says to the camera, "ROWADS! ROWADS! ROWADS!" 

Meow Meow Fuzzyface puts Bojack in the back of his policecar. "You need a change in jobs, hey? There's plenty of careers where you're going! DOWNTOWN!" Princess Carolyn turns off the TV. Then she tells the people and animals at the party who were leaving, "Come back! Come back! It was just a minor mess up. We can still have this party." Mr. Peanbutter says, "Forget them. They're not coming back. Princess Carolyn was felt a boiling seethe overcome her. "Everything was going along good until Bojack had to fuck things up!" Mr. Peanutbutter says, "You know, the Emmys aren't too far off....." 

Driving off Meow Meow Fuzzyface goes to the police station to have Bojack Horseman booked. Todd called out, "I can give you tips on how to survive in jail." Todd decides to take a cab home. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in a courthouse in LA. There was a Prosecutor who was watching the whole Bojack Horseman Drunken DUI report as Tom Grumbo-Jumbo was reporting. The Prosecutor was a human. In his 50's named Roy McCoy. He bared a resemblence to Sam Waterston from Law and Order. 

Pounding his fists on his desk, Roy McCoy makes a vow and pledge to himself, "I'm gonna get that Bojack Horseman! Make him do hard time!" Looking out the window Roy implied, "Just the thing I need to become Mayor of Hollywoo!" 

* * * 

Oxnard, who used to be Mr. Peanutbutter's accountant is now Roy McCoy's assistant DA. "On what charges do you plan to get on Bojack Horseman?" asks Oxnard. Roy McCoy explains it, "Property damage! Take a gander at what he did to that lampost! He nearly cut it in half!" Oxnard implied, "It's just a tiny minor insignificant thing. That won't hold up in court." 

"But I shall make sure it will. I must create an image that I'm tough on crime!" Roy McCoy says. "Sounds to me like you hate Bojack Horseman. What did he ever do to you?" asks Oxnard. "Oh you writing a book or something! You sure are full of questions. If you must know, I'll tell you!" Roy McCoy flanderized Oxnard.

A flashback sequence is shown. The year was 1987. "I lost a role to that son of a bitch once! There I was. Everything was set. All ready to be a famous actor......" Roy McCoy says. "You were an actor once?" interupted Oxnard. "Hey! Don't talk over me! That's rude! Who's telling the story, here?" shouts Roy McCoy. 

"Oh, sorry. Go on!" said Oxnard. In the flashback Herb Kazaaz was holding an audition for a new sitcom. "As you asked, I was an aspiring actor. I came to the studios. That one where at the end of the shows says, 'Sit Ubu Sit'. I meet Herb Kazzaz and he told me that me and a horse actor were up for a role in a sitcom that was going to be called Lawyering Around." Herb Kazaaz in the flashback says, "Okay Roy McCoy, say this line, 'I've heard of that but this is ridiculous!'" I said the line perfectly. Herb Kazzaz claps his hands, "Great job, I'll call you!" Roy McCoy said, "Great! You got my number right?" 

"As I exited Herb Kazaz's office, he asked that horse to come on. Bojack Horseman!" Herb Kazzaz says, "Bojack Horseman, come in, please!" Roy McCoy then sees Bojack enter Herb Kazaaz's office, and he heard Herb ask Bojack to say the line. Bojack said the line, "'I've heard of that but this is ridiculous!'" Roy McCoy in the flashback then Herb cheer and tell Bojack, "You got the part! You are going to be a horse who adopts three orphans! We're not going to call it Lawyering Around aynmore, now we'll call it Horsin' Around!" Roy McCoy fell to the floor on his knees, shook both his fists in the air and shouted, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'LL GET MY REVENGE ON YOU FOR THIS SOMEDAY, BOJACK HORSEMAN!" 

The flashback ends and Roy McCoy is on his desk telling Oxnard his sad tale, "From then on, I gave up on acting and decided to become a Prosecutor instead. I've always awaited the day when Bojack Horseman makes an ass of himself. Soon he'll become putty in my hands!" "Wow! You really have it out for him!" said Oxnard. "People say Life's Too Short To Hold a Grudge? Well that's a pile of steaming bullshit!" said Roy McCoy. Oxnard asks, "Do you want to talk to the news about this?" "Yes, the sooner I make my plan public, the better!" Roy McCoy said. Oxnard goes to call the news. 

At the local county jail. Bojack was in a cell. A guard says, "You got some visitors, Bojack." "I'm coming!" Bojack said hanging his head shamefully. As the guard was leading him to the Visitor's Center, the cellmates all call out to Bojack, "Hey, look! It's the Horse from Horsin' Around!" "Why are you in jail, I thought you were good!" "I loved your show when I was a kid!" Some cellmates even sang his theme song, "Three little orphans one two three....." Bojack ignored all the racket the cellmates were making. 

In the visitor's center. Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter were there. "You have ten minutes, Mr. Horseman!" said the guard. "Hey, Bojack! How are you holding up? In your 'holding' cell!" laughs Mr. Peanutbutter. "What have you guys been doing since I've been gone? You guys been eating out? Partying that I'm not in your lives anymore?" Bojack spouted off. "Oh heavens no. We made a deal with the DA. We're here to tell you that we're going to pay your bail so you won't have to stay here." Princess Carolyn said. 

"Oh chill out, Bojack. You're acting like you're the only actor who this happened to." Mr. Peanutbutter said. 

"Oh really. Didn't think you cared about me that much, Mr. Peanutbutter." Bojack said. "Of course I do. We may be rivals but we'll always be friends. Besides, I want to make it up to you for making you go crazy drunk at that Hollywoo Gala." Mr. Peanutbutter says. "Yeah, sure." said Bojack. The next day, Bojack Horseman was arrigned and made bail thanks to Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter. Bojack was ordered to stay at his house for a week until the trial began. All the while that was happening, Tom Grumbo-Jumbo was interviewing Roy McCoy. 

"Let's get things straight here. Mr. Roy McCoy is it?" Tom Grumbo-Jumbo. "Correct," said Roy McCoy. 

"When Bojack Horseman goes to Court this Friday. What is your disposition? What's your deal?" asked Tom Grumbo-Jumbo. 

"He needs to do some very hard time! That's what!" said Roy McCoy. "Come on now. Now why would you punish him like that?" asked Tom Grumbo-Jumbo. 

"People need to learn that no matter how minor the crime is. No matter if they're a celebrity or an average joe. They need to pay for what they have done!" Roy McCoy said. "Even if it is just a DUI." "DUIs are very minor. Bojack will probably just get Time Served or Community Service." implies Tom Grumbo-Jumbo. "We'll I plan to make him do five years in San Quentin! To set an example!" Roy McCoy answers. Tom Grumbo-Jumbo says, "Hmmm. Uhhhhhh...." "Los Angeles is a city of crime and it needs to be cleaned up!" Roy McCoy adds. 

"Where do you hope this will lead in the future," asked Tom Grumbo-Jumbo. "I will get elected Mayor! A better Mayor than Mr. Peanutbutter ever was! Once I'm elected Mayor of Hollywoo, I won't say silly ass catchphrases like 'Spaghetti Or Not Here I Come' or be a fun Mayor or any of that sort! I want to give minor offenses harsh prison time to anyone! Then from there, maybe I'll go to Washington and run for congress! And after that, maybe even The White House!" Roy McCoy cackled as Tom Grumbo-Jumbo looked at the screen. "Well this is going to be interesting. Stay tuned for more news about Bojack Horseman's DUI Court Hearing coming this Friday." 

Under the streets of Hollywoo, there was an Anti-Police Activitist Group named "SLOP". Which stood for "Stopping Law Oppression and Police". The group members were both humans and animals. "Oh, no! Bojack Horseman is in trouble! We need to help him and fast!" said one of the members. 

On Tuesday, after hearing Tom Grumbo-Jumbo's interview with Roy McCoy there were protestors in front of Bojack Horseman's house. Some were for him, some were against him. The signs read either, "BOJACK IS GUILTY!" "BOJACK IS INNOCENT!" "LET BOJACK GO" "BOJACK NEEDS PRISON" "HORSE LIVES MATTER". "ROY MCCOY IS RIGHT!" "SAVE BOJACK!" "FREE BOJACK SET HIM LOOSE!" "ACTORS AREN'T SPECIAL!" "DO THE CRIME DO THE TIME!" "GUILTY AS SIN! ROY MCCOY MUST WIN!" And so on. Mr. Peanutbutter and Princess Carolyn drove Bojack back home. "What the fuck!" Mr. Peanutbutter said honking the horn to scare away the protesters. Todd comes out and sees the Protesters, "Bojack is innocent! He didn't mean do it what he did! Go away! Get outta here! Leave the dude alone!" 

"These protesters must have seen that news report." said Princess Carolyn. "What? There was a news report about what I did?" Bojack said. "Yes, some prosecutor wants to have you convicted. Guess you don't hear news in jail." said Mr. Peanutbutter. "Just drop me off." Bojack said sadly. Walking past the protesters, Bojack was forlorn as he walked back inside his house. "Never you worry, Bojack! I'm on your side!" Todd said. 

* * * 

Not wanting to leave his house, Bojack locks himself in. Feeling so awful hearing that Roy McCoy has an agenda to make him serve a prison term, Bojack decides to hit the bottle. Staring at the bottle, Bojack talks to it, "Sure can use you right now, Captain Morgan." Laying on the floor, Bojack talks to himself some more. 

"Just want to sleep until Friday before my big day." Bojack says to himself. He hears a voice calling for him, "Bojack!" Hearing the voice, Bojack decides to ignore it. "No, it's nothing." Bojack says dismissively. "Bojack!" the voice called again. "Todd? Is that you? Is this your idea of a joke then....." The lights were out in his house. "Oh great! What is this? That Kevin Bacon movie You Should Have Left all of the sudden!" Bojack says. Before he could try to go to the generator to turn back the lights, Bojack gets hit over the head, and carried away. 

Slowly waking up, Bojack finds himself in an unfamilar place. He was in an empty room. "Uh, hello? Anyone? I want to talk to somebody here!" Walking out of the room, Bojack is then in an empty hallway. "I need to be in court by Friday! Whoever brought me here, take me back home now!" Two animals a rhino and a turtle come up from here. "Good you're up." said the rhino. "Explain yourselves! Why am I here!" Bojack demands. The rhino and turtle lead him to another room that looked like a cave and had a couch. 

A person said, "Hello Bojack." "Who are you guys supposed to be? Are you aware I need to be in court on Friday!?" Bojack tells the group of people and animals. 

"Allow me, yes we know you need to be in court by Friday. We know everything about you, Bojack." said a lion. 

"You all remind me of those underground people from The City of Ember!" Bojack stated sarcastically. 

"Until your court date. You will stay with us." says a pig. 

Bojack looks around and sees lots of garbage piles in the underground sewer. "EEEwwwww! Gross! Don't you ever pick up your garbage?" 

"No we don't believe in the sanitation department! We like keeping our trash around!" said the turtle. "We pick it up when we feel like it." said the pig. 

"This is fucking insane! Take me back to my house, NOW!" Bojack shouts. 

"Oh, no can do. There's protesters all over your house. Trust us. You're much better off here." said a rooster. 

"Oh my. Where are my manners. Anyway, welcome to our underground country. This is SLOP!" says a male human.

Bojack cracked up, "SLOP! Awww that made me crack my shit up! That's a stupid name for an underground country!" 

Showing Bojack around the underground sewers, the SLOP members tell him everything. 

"We live a simple life. The only techology we have is a television. Never will we have the internet, iphones or WIFI." said a dog dressed in a chicken suit. 

"Got anything to eat around here?" asks Bojack.

"Just vegetables. Meat is murder." said a human woman. Bojack rolls his eyes, "You're one of those people?" 

"Make fun of us all you want. If you want to stay with us before your big court hearing, you must cooperate." said a rabbit. 

Showing Bojack their vegetable garden, it was just Dixie cups full of dirt and small sprouts coming out. 

"You can think of us like we're a modern day hippie commune." said a bird. 

"I can see that." Bojack said. "Even though our garden hasn't grown yet, we live on cigarettes and alcohol." explains a human man. 

"That doesn't sound so bad." Bojack stated. "We really don't need food that much. Some of us even take drugs. Anything to go against the Law Enforcement." said a bat. 

"Why would you want to go against Law Enforcement?" asked Bojack. 

"That's why we're called SLOP. It stands for Stopping Law Oppression and Police!" said a human woman. 

"If you haven't figured it out yet. We are a Police Free Zone!" said the lion. 

"Can we at least watch some news?" asked Bojack. 

"That's the only thing we watch here in SLOP." said the turtle. 

"Why only that? Don't you want to watch sitcoms or movies once in a while?" asked Bojack. 

"NO! Sitcoms and movies are exploitive captialism! Don't you see what they do to minority race groups in sitcoms and movies! Drama series are even worse! Only the news because we can keep tabs on the police!" said the rhino. 

"One more thing. Guys ever seen Paradise PD?! There were these underground Dolphin People....." said Bojack as he was cut off. 

"NNNNOOO! Don't mention police shows while you're down here!" shouts the dog. "Yes, that's like profanity to us!" warns the cat. 

Turning on the television, there was a news report outside of Bojack's house. Tom Grumbo-Jumbo was there. 

"The protesters are still outside Bojack Horseman's house. Oh look at that, here's one of them right now!" 

Todd Chavez was holding a sign that reads, "RELEASE BOJACK LOOSE!" 

"Interesting sign you have there, sir. Release Bojack Loose! Do you have something to say?" asked Tom Grumbo-Jumbo to Todd.

"Sorry I was high when I made this sign. But please......." Todd says into the microphone. As he bursts into tears, "LEAVE BOJACK ALONE! HE NEVER MEANT ANY HARM! HE HAS FEELINGS! HE DIDN'T WANT TO KILL ANYONE! ALL HE WAS DOING WAS TRYING TO SHOW ME A GOOD TIME AT A HOLLYWOO GALA! I'LL TELL YOU AGAIN! LEAVE BOJACK ALONE!!!!!" 

"OKay, thanks for your words!" Tom Grumbo-Jumbo says. A human woman turns off the television. "Aren't you glad we brought you here?" 

"It's all right." Bojack says depressed. "You knew that guy?" asked the rooster. "Yes, he's my roommate." answers Bojack. 

Bojack asks the SLOP members, "Have any of you watched Horsin' Around?" "Back before we knew the truth about television. We have." said the dog. "You were really funny. Now you're a victim of the system." said the human man. "A system that wants to swallow you whole." said the lion. 

"Why exactly are you guys an underground country? What are you guys after?" Bojack asks the members of SLOP.

The cat tells him, "We are going to destroy the police one day!" 

Bojack gets nervous. He didn't like the idea of himself being with a group that hated law enforcement. When he was in trouble with the law himself. "We hate anything having to do with lawyers, DAs, Congressmen, police, prosecutors, fire department, the military you name it." said the turtle. 

"I have a very bad feeling about this......why do I predict that something huge is going to happen soon?" Bojack wonders. 

"You got good instincts. For you see, when you go to court on Friday. We plan to kill Roy McCoy!" said the rooster. 

Bojack yelled, "NO! YOU CAN'T! I don't want to be involved in a murder! Bad enough I'm facing misdemeanor charges!" 

"You need to relax and trust us, Bojack. You won't be a part of the killing. It'll just be us killing Roy McCoy!" said the dog. 

"That way maybe you can get off with a lighter sentence." said the cat. "We're doing you a favor!" said the human man. "And someday, we will declare war on the police....." said the human woman. 

Bojack speaks out, "If you do succeed in killing the police, who'll stop crime then?" 

"Social wokers! Criminals are just misunderstood victims." said the rhino. "You didn't know that? Also their anti-heroes too." said the turtle. 

"All they need is love." said the lion. 

Bojack sank his head into his hands. "Either way I'm fucked! Someone is going to find out that I was with you guys." 

"We got a plan for that!" said the human man. "One day we will even ban TV Shows and movies about Law Enforcement!" said the turtle. 

Bojack was forced to stay with SLOP until his court hearing. 

* * * 

In the office of Roy McCoy, Oxnard gives him a report. "Here's that report on Bojack Horseman you wanted!" says Oxnard. 

"Good. Give it to me." said Roy McCoy. Being handed the report, reading it Roy McCoy says, "Oh boy! This is the tip of the iceberg! Exactly the thing I need to use to throw the book at Bojack Horseman!" 

"What does it say?" asked Oxnard. 

"Says here Bojack Horseman once stole the D to the Hollywoo sign! Can't wait to tell the judge about this!" Roy McCoy says rubbing his hands together. 

"This is precisely the thing you need so people will vote for you when you begin your political career!" said Oxnard. 

"Yes! Bojack is as good as fucked. As soon as I show this to the court during his hearing!" Roy McCoy slowly smiled. 

For two days, Bojack adjusted to living with SLOP. Bojack and the SLOP members all gathered around to watch the news. On the TV, Tom Grumbo-Jumbo was interviewing Roy McCoy a day before Bojack's big court hearing date. Bojack was astounded when he say Roy McCoy. 

"I know that son of a bitch! That's Roy McCoy! Slap Up My Suitor! He's Now a Prosecutor!?" Bojack stared at the television with complete incredulity. 

The middle of the interview, Tom Grumbo-Jumbo asks Roy McCoy, "Do you have anything you want to say? Before Bojack Horseman faces you in court?" 

"Indeed I do!" Roy McCoy starts off by looking into the camera. "Bojack Horseman. If you're out there. You better listen. And hear my words clearly! Just because you're an actor, doesn't mean you're going to get off so easy. You don't get away with this trouble in which you have brought upon yourself. Never will you get off the same way O.J. Simpson or Michael Jackson did. You're not some special snowflake. Even if you were just an average citizen, celebrity or not. You will get your comeuppance for this, and must pay the price for what you did. If that isn't scary enough, you'll never believe what else I found out to use against you!" 

Tom Grumbo-Jumbo says, "If you succeed in this, will this lead to a seat at the Mayor's office....."

Turning off the TV, Bojack feels defeated. All the SLOP members surround him. "We'll be here for you." said the human woman."He's been after me all these years. On account that he lost an acting part to me." Bojack explained. "Was he up for your part in Horsin' Around?" asked the Turtle. "DING DING DING DING DING! Correct." Bojack said sadly. 

It was Thursday. The day before the big court hearing. Mr. Peanutbutter walks into the Vigor Agency building where Princess Carolyn worked. "Did you see the interview with Roy McCoy last night?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter. 

"Who didn't. Everyone here was watching it like it was The Young and The Restless." Princess Carolyn snarked. Vanessa Gecko kept laughing in my face about it." 

"Sooooo, which one of us is going to take Bojack to his big hearing?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter. 

"Not me. I'm too swamped with work." Princess Carolyn said. 

"Actually, you don't work until later tommorow. I checked your schedule." Mr. Peanutbutter said. 

Sighing because she was tired of always bailing out Bojack, Princess Carolyn asks, "How do you want to settle this?" 

"Rock, paper scissors sounds good." Mr. Peanutbutter said. "You're on! Loser has to take Bojack to his hearing!" Princess Carolyn accepting his challange. 

Both Mr. Peanutbutter and Princess Carolyn play Rock, Paper Scissors. "ROCK....PAPER......SCISSORS......SHOOT!" 

Princess Carolyn wins by using Rock. Mr. Peanutbutter used Paper. "Whoops! Rock beat Paper!" Princess Carolyn laughs. 

"Welp, I'm off the see the Horse of Oz I guess! Oz as in the prison show." said Mr. Peanutbutter walking out. 

Princess Carolyn stops him, "I wanted to ask before you go....."

"Yes? What is it?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter. "Do you have any idea why every little current event always has to be politicized?" asked Princess Carolyn. 

"I'm as clueless about it as you are, Princess. Wish me and Bojack and best tommorow." Mr. Peanutbutter says exiting Princess Carolyn's office.

Outside, Todd was marching and leading a protest of people and animals who were on Bojack's side. 

"GIVE US BACK OUR BOJACK! GIVE US BACK OUR BOJACK! GIVE US BACK OUR BOJACK!" Todd chants walking down the streets along with other protesters. "NO NO WE WON'T GO! NO NO WE WON'T GO! NOT UNTIL YOU LET BOJACK GO!" 

The day of Bojack's court appearance, Friday was here. Going around the sewer, trying to find someone to take him back home. Bojack called out, "Hello? It's my court date today! Did you all forget? I don't want to be held in contempt here!" Finally, seeing some SLOP members in the main room with the couch, he saw a lot of them were having sex openly. 

"You do know that fucking is private, right?" Bojack says.

"Oh, we're sorry. We knew that." said the turtle. "But it's better to be open!" said the lion. 

"We didn't forget your court date. Now we will take you home right away." said the human man. The human woman put a bag over Bojack's head. "What's with the bag?" asked Bojack. "We don't want you to see our location." said the human man. "Nor do we want you to see how we got you here." said the human woman. "Now don't ever tell anyone where you were." said the human man. "Most important, don't tell anyone about how we're going to assassinate Roy McCoy. "I won't. I get it. Loose Lips Can Sink Good Ships." Bojack said solemnly. 

Not before long, Bojack finds himself back home. He hears a knock on the door and answers it. Mr. Peanutbutter was there. "Hello Bojack! Ready to meet Judge Wapner!" 

"Very funny, Mr. Peanutbutter. Wait? Why are you the one taking me?" asked Bojack.

"I lost a bet." Mr. Peanutbutter says leading Bojack to his car. Along the way, they were mobbed by protesters. "BOO! BOO! BOO!" "OH MY GOSH IT'S BOJACK HORSEMAN!" "SIGN MY AUTOGRAPH!" "BOJACK! WE BELIEVE IN YOU!" "BOJACK! YOU COMMITED A HENIOUS CRIME! I INDENIFY AS A LAMPOST!" Once inside, Mr. Peanutbutter starts the car and drives to the courthouse despite protesters jumping onto his car. 

"While we're going. There is something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time." Mr. Peanutbutter implied. 

"Okay. Speak up." Bojack said. 

"Remember when we both had those sitcoms. You with Horsin' Around and me with Mr. Peanutbutter's House." asks Mr. Peanutbutter. 

"Where is this leading?" asked Bojack.

"Can I continue?"

Bojack was silent.

"Thank you. There was that time in 1992 when you made an appearence on the Jay Leno Show." Mr. Peanutbutter recalls. 

"He interviewed me. That was a blast." said Bojack. 

"Maybe it was for you. It wasn't for me." Mr. Peanutbutter said. 

"You watched me on Leno?" asked Bojack.

"I did. From then on, after you appeared on Leno. Then it was Letterman, Johnny Carson, and after that it was Conan! There was talk that you were going to have your own Late Night Talk Show." Mr. Peanutbutter told him.

"Those were just rumors." Bojack says. 

"I _HATED_ you for that!" Mr. Peanutbutter grumbles out loud. 

"What? Why?" Bojack asks in shock. 

"I _HATED_ you for that! Hated the fact at the time you were getting better oppourtunities than me." Mr. Peanutbutter recants. 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Don't see what the point was to all that...." Bojack said. 

"See, the thing is. You were always jealous of me. For a while after that whole Leno thing with you. I was actually jealous of you." Mr. Peanutbutter tells him. 

"Did you want your own late night comedy show?" asks Bojack out of curiosity.

"Back then, yes." said Mr. Peanutbutter admits. "Hmmm. You reminded me of Jason Robards from Parenthood when you told me that." Bojack said. 

It was very surprising for Bojack to have Mr. Peanutbutter to confess that he had a jealousy towards the horse actor. 

They arrived at the Court House. Mr. Peanutbutter parked across the street from the Court House. "Well, this is where we get off." Mr. Peanutbutter says. "You're actually helping me?" asked Bojack. "Yes, this was all my fault I got you so worked up at the Hollywoo Gala." Mr. Peanutbutter said feeling guilty. 

Bojack trembled in fear. Both of them walked slowly. From a distance, they see more protesters. Amoung them they see Roy McCoy doing another interview. Roy McCoy didn't know he was only two yards away from the Court House. This time Roy McCoy was being interviewed by the Paparazzi Birds. 

* * * 

The Paparazzi Birds are interviewing Roy McCoy. They take pictures of him.

The birds ask, "Are you going to prosecute Bojack Horseman today?

Roy McCoy states, "Yes, I anticipate a full guilty verdict followed by a sentence of 6 months in San Quentin."

Birds ask with concern, "Is that too hard for Bojack Horseman!" 

"It does not matter! No one is above the law! Not even Bojack Horseman!" Roy McCoy said

"What then!" asks the Birds

Roy McCoy answers their question, "While Bojack Horseman is in prison, I will be elected mayor of Hollywoo! Who knows? I might even crack the whip at him! I probably will have him do hard labor! It doesn't matter what your background is! Race or gender otherwise. Nor if you're a celebrity, a businessman, an army general, a CEO, or whatever! No matter if crime is serious or minor. If you commit a crime! YOU ARE A CRIMINAL!" 

Suddenly as Roy McCoy crosses the street that leads to the Court House he forgets that he was 2 yards away. Thus failing to look and gets run over by a metro bus. The Pararazzi Birds take pictures and EMS say he has to be hosed off the streets.

Good news for Bojack Horseman is Roy McCoy is replaced by a new Prosecutor who lets him make a plea deal to get 6 weeks house arrest with a tether. Bojack Horseman walks out of the Court House with Mr. Peanutbutter feeling all sorts of relief. Todd shouts, "BOJACK IS FREE!" The protesters who were for Bojack all cheered, while the ones who were against him booed. 

"Guess I owe you a debt of gratitude, Mr. Peanutbutter." Bojack said. 

"Hey, what're friendly rivals for?" asked Mr. Peanutbutter. Todd comes up and huge Bojack and cries tears of joy.

"BOJACK! *SOB!* I'M SO HAPPY!" Todd sobs. 

Mr. Peanutbutter says off the cuff, "Think you're stuck in your house now, six week will drive you nuts." 

Bojack chuckled. Then he looks over and sees one of the SLOP members the one who was a rooster giving him a thumbs up. Indicating that they were the ones who ran over Roy McCoy.

"Did you know that dude, Bojack?" Mr. Peanutbutter said. Feeling a tension within him, Bojack says, "Never seen him before in my life!" 

Mr. Peanutbutter, Todd, and Bojack all go inside his car to drive Bojack and Todd home. None of Bojack's friends will ever know that he sent his time in the sewers with the members of SLOP in the sewers while awaiting his Court Hearing. 

Bojack stated, "Six weeks of House Arrest. Todd you're going to have to be my errand boy for a while!" 

Todd said, "I would not want it any other way! Just as long as you're back home!" 

Mr. Peanutbutter drives Bojack back to his house and says, "You'll be bored out of your mind I take it." 

"One thing's for sure. No more Hollywoo Galas." laughs Bojack. 

"I'll keep him busy!" Todd said. 

Bojack knew one thing, he would rather be in House Arrest at his own house than being in the sewers with the members of SLOP. 

Some of the SLOP Members watch as Mr. Peanutbutter drives Bojack home. Before returning to the sewers. 

"We made a difference!" said the lion. "One less law offical to worry about." said the turtle. 

The End

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!


End file.
